Imagine If Adoption Really Did Cost Only $10.00

[Joanne]

Both of my daughters have been active in Girl Scouts for a few years. They have great troop leaders and their experience has been a positive one overall. Over the Christmas holiday, a situation came up with my older daughters troop. The following e-mails will explain the story. The first one is me e-mailing her troop leader.

Good morning,

Shawna & I went to the store over the weekend and filled those two Christmas stockings and we'll drop them off to you on Tuesday night.

Shawna told me about the stockings and that it was said in meeting that the troop is "adopting" two children for the holidays. I explained to her that the correct term to use in a case like this is "sponsoring". I'm wondering if you can bring this up on Tuesday because using the word "adopting" (when clearly the troop is not adopting two children) sends mixed messages (not only to adoptees but society at large) as to what adoption actually is. Most people (unless you've adopted like us or are an adoptee like Shawna), don't give it much though until someone points it out.

I'm sure it was on oversight or maybe the word "adoption" was used for lack of a better word. As my children find their place in this world and understand what it means to be a young adoptee, they get confused when one can 'adopt" another so easily and by just buying them some gifts once a year.

Thank you for understanding. Adoption is a sensative subject and I do all I can to make my children not only feel good about it, but never to trivialize it. Maybe the word "sponsoring" can be used instead.

Thanks, Joanne

And her reply:

Dear Joanne,
I'm truly sorry if the use of the term "adopt" upset you or Shawna. It was not my intention, and I totally understand your point of view. We will be sure to use the term "sponsor" from now on. Sometimes it helps to have someone point out something that may inadvertently hurt or confuse someone else. Thank you for caring enough to bring this to my attention.

And my reply back to her:

Thank you so much for understanding. My family has dealt with adoption issues along the way (such as people asking my kids where their "real parents" are or asking me if I have kids "of my own") and we handle it as a family, we discuss it and talk about ways we can help "educate" people on adoption terminology.

Also, just so you know...we don't take it personally at all. When something like this comes up, we never take it as the person is being mean or purposely trying to hurt us...we always take it as them just not knowing.

If you ever want to do a talk on adoption with your troop, let me know. I'd love to help out with it.

Thanks again....see you tommorrow with the stockings.

Joanne


What would you have done? Do you just keep quiet when your childs class (or whatever) is adopting a (fill in the blank) because you think it's harmless? Yes, your child may know the difference...Shawna knew that spending $10.00 on Christmas stocking was not the same thing as when she was adopted. But what about the kids in the troop? What about when they tell their friends that their troop adopted a kid by buying gifts for them for the holiday? And it happens time after time. What about then? Can we blame society for not looking at parents who've adopted, as equal to parents who gave birth when we ourselves allow this kind of language to go on?

[Christine Mitchell]

I think you handled it perfectly! I try to handle these situations in a similar manner. I recently 'educated' a friend when she commented that she had thought a teacher's adopted child 'was his' (she meant biologically, because she resembled him). I politely pointed out that his daughter is 'his' - whether by birth or adoption.

[Joanne]

Thank you both for your insightful comments.

[Dee Thompson]

Good for you! You were nice about it, and that's the way to go, although it's not easy sometimes. I try to not take it personally when something insensitive comes up, but it can be tough.

[Joanna Freitag]

Joanne,

Thank you for shedding light on this important topic. As an adoptee from an era where being adopted was a shameful thing, I'm just glad to see that some people are willing to discuss any issue about adoption.

Here in North Carolina, the vast majority of adult adoptees still live in shame and probably wouldn't have said a word so "kudos" to you for having the courage to correct someone! Education on a topic that is misunderstood by so many is very important.

Joanna