Birthfather Rights

[david archuletta]

One thing for sure when it comes to the act of child adoption in any of the fifty states; the federal government is not involved or welcome to assist. This is fine in my opinion. However, if the birthmother crosses state lines to have her newborn adopted out, it should matter federaly. As for birthfather rights, this state aspect of adoption must change. A father should not have to look under every rock in every state with the hope of finding his child.

There must be federal involvement at some level, I say this because states like New Jersey are doing everything in their power to exclude the BF aspect out of the adoptive process altogether.

What I would like to propose, would be simple and yet give each state total control of the adoption. If a woman planned to have her child adopted in another state she must observe 2 federal regulations on a federal level. [Both of these regulations would be confedentially kept and released only to the people involved in the actual adoption]

At a federal office [FO] in her state, the first regulation would be to sign an affidavit stating her place of residence and her intent to have the child adopted out in [Named state]. The adoption processing agency cannot go ahead with the process until it checks with the BM's state FO and confirms her registration.

The only way the FO involves itself is if it receives BF information, and then only to act as courrier.

The FO in the adoption agency's state would then give this BF information to this state's Department of Human Services. It would be up to this state branch to do as they please with such information.

However, what this does is to put the ball [BF] in their court. Should that state do nothing with the information, it is their choice. The people of the adoption handling state voted in their own set of laws to be practiced accordingly. One benifit, at least in the state of New Jersey is the fact that if an attorney was witholding BF information [He is allowed to do this in N.J.], this would be another avenue for the BF info to be acknowledged by proper authorities.

The FO in the BM state would have received this BF information by the BF himself with his own inquiry. This is the purpose of the FO. The BF who thinks his child is wrongfully adopted would have this FO help at his disposal. HOWEVER, the only thing he can do is give the name of the woman who he thinks has adopted out his child. Once the FO cross references their records they will find out if there is a match. If there is, the BF's name is given to the adoption agency state as described in the manner above.

The BF meanwhile is not given one iota of information whatsoever, regardless if there was a match was made and his name sent out. [Confidentiality wishes of the BM] He would also be told by the FO that since he made this inquiry to their office, by law they must send his name to the "ALLEDGED" BM so that she may be aware that [His name] was inquiring of her adoption.

The BF would also be told not depend on this procedure, as it only gives his information [If a match] to the states Department of Hunan Services. If he was serious about finding his child, the FO would only be another tool in his efforts to expose what in his eyes is the wrongful adoption of his child.

As for the integrity of the adoption this federal regulation would only strenghten a finalized adoption. A BF who does not utilize this federal tool will not have a legal foothold should he challenge an adoption years later. Questioned would be his efforts and sincerity as to wanting custody of his child.

"Power concedes nothing without demand", Fredrick Douglass, emancipator, and one of this country's greatest orators. Should a state receive BF information and due to its laws does nothing, it would be a travesty. Only people can make change. A state with this kind of adoption policy is in my opinion in a sad state of affairs. New Jersey is one place where these 1920's style adoption laws exist. Do the people of this "Garden State' know the evils of their Statute N.J.S.A. 3:3-39 1[b], "A LICENSE TO STEAl, it could be your child's child."

A point to consider. This law was put in place to curtail horrendous judicial decision that reversed the placements of finalized adoptions. What is more horrible than ignoring a frantic father in search of his child days after birth? Who made an made this prominent adoption attorney god? Furthermore, what gives Children of the World the right to lie about their knowledge of a birthfather? Does Rosie O'Donnell who fund this agency know of the attrocities her adoption agency has commited?

[Laura Christianson]

David,

I must chime in and agree with Bobbi's comments about open adoption. Our son and his birth father have a wonderful, loving relationship and have had since day 1.

[david archuletta]

Bobbi

Thank you for interest and enlightening me about the positive side of an open adoption. These past few years I guess iv'e grown cynical and veiw everything from the dark side. I am going to contact someone in the New Jersey state legislature and what it takes to initiate something in the way of reform. I know it will be hard if not impossible to get anyone to hear my voice, but i will stay my fight.

As for my son, time has dictated that for all intents and purposes, my chances of seeing him before his wishes to see me are gone. I do however have my book, although it is self-published it will be of record for him when he becomes of age. Thanks again, Bobbi. i will still blog on this site.

[Bobbi Grubb]

David,

I see how your situation developed and I hate that this happened to you. How unfortunate and difficult this must be for you. I agree that the varying state laws are difficult and cause problems. They pose challenges on the adoptive parent side of the issue also. We adopted our sons from two different states and we lived in two other states at the times of the adoptions. So we have become familiar with adoption laws in 4 states, and they are quite different.

I don't see an easy solution to any of the challenges in adoption. Like anything else that starts out positive and wonderful, unscrupulous people cause corruption. That is why those of us in this work must constantly strive for ethics. It is a tragedy there are bad stories, but there are many, many amazing and wonderful ones as well. (We are an example of this, and I have witnessed many others in my counseling with birthparents and couples.)

As for openness in adoption causing confusion for the child, on the contrary, it answers many questions. It displays honesty and confidence to the child. There is nothing secretive, hidden or shameful. It is just another incredible way God created a family. Don't misunderstand and think we have some sort of "joint parenting". We don't. We share pictures, phone calls, letters, e-mails, etc., but we don't have two sets of parents at family gatherings. There are those who advocate for more openness than we have -- who believe in frequent visits with birth families and adoptive families. For some, this works. And if it works for them, I think that is wonderful. But, all these things must be discussed openly and candidly before the adoption and parties must be honest about their intentions. When failures occur, it is usually because someone betrayed the trust and failed to keep their commitments afterward. It can happen on both sides, birthparents and adoptive parents.

David, I wish you the best in your endeavor to reform birthfather rights. I'm sure you pray daily for your son. I hope somehow you are able to find healing from your loss in this tragedy. Perhaps it is a small comfort to know there are others who stand with you in protecting birthfather rights.

[david archuletta]

Bobbi

Thanks for your support and interest. At the 8th month of my "gf",s pregnancy she went to Mich. to be with her family when she had the baby. I could not go. [my issues concrning my health] I did not like the idea but she was adamant to go and come back after the birth. while there she ended up in jersey where she had the child adopted. without going through the whole sordid story of paternity questions, orchestrated was the ruse that the child was still born in Mich. two day later she came back. So as it was, after two weeks of suspicion, dead end search, [Not married, dr, patient confidentiality] and non cooperation from the bm, i was convinced a child was stillborn and doubts were cast that the child was mine. So the trust factor was there before the birth but not after. I wont go into detail about here ruse but it worked, except for this knawing in my concius mind for weeks, months that something was not right, or that it was.

as for the putuative father registry you speak of, i did have a need for it i thought. i have since learned about it. the way it is set up is that a father must register with each state individually, and like you say not all states have one. i do think that a national system that makes sure if there is bf info, it goes into the adoption states DHS. you see, it does not matter if the bf info comes from a putuative regis. or my federal plan [Which would be more uniform] it is the varying state laws that cause problems.

as far trying to overturn an adoption after it has been finalixzed? this i would not have done,. within the 3 month period or there abouts i would have sought custody. biology means nothing to a year old baby. and as far as an open adoption, i have reservation with this kind of set up. to me an open adoption benifits the grown up on both sides of the issue. meanwhile the child will grow up asking questions that at his age he should not have to do. [why do i have two dads etc. etc.] i really do think a non-intruding national registry would only steghthen a finalized adoptio.

[Bobbi Grubb]

David,

You probably know about the putative father registry used by many states. I believe 26 states have these registries. I live in Florida, and we do; I realize NJ does not. Would a national putative father registry resolve many of the problems of birthfather rights that you are attempting to change? I recently read a blog by a Michigan attorney who listed several actions a birthfather should take to show his interest in and desire to be involved in a child's life (before birth). There were several very good suggestions which I think men should be aware of (registering with the putative registry of his state, establishing a trust for the birthmom and child, etc.) I think one of the big problems of the putative registry is that potential birthfathers just do not know about it. It also makes him responsible to follow up on his relationships. If he "gets around", he will have a difficult time knowing when a woman is pregnant with his child if she chooses not to tell him. However, I do believe a federal registry would be beneficial. It would have to be followed by a campaign to educate fathers on its existence, their requirements to register and their rights.

If all agencies and attorneys (regardless of state of birth or placement) were required to search a national registry prior to an adoption, it would provide the birthfather with the avenue to indicate his interest. If judges were required to see proof of this search prior to finalization, wouldn't this resolve the dilemma you are outlining?

If I understand your wishes in this regard, you are not advocating that birthfathers should overturn adoptions following finalization, right? It seems we need to put safeguards in place so birthfathers are able to be involved in the decision before the adoption occurs. If he somehow shows up months or years later, certainly that can be a huge can of worms for everyone -- birthmother, birthfather, adoptive family and child. I see and sympathize with your plight here -- I truly do! As an adoptive mom, I feel so blessed that we met both sets of birthparents (moms and dads). I can imagine the difficulty that might ensue if a birthfather showed up years later in the very stable life of an adopted child, especially if the adoption was not open in the first place. In our case, we established the openness and trust from the beginning. Although open adoption is scary for many people, it was a blessing for us. It is not right in all situations, but if the trust can be established, it can be a positive experience for all.

I don't know if a national putative birthfather registry has been proposed or how difficult it would be to implement. Would this have changed the course of your situation? Would be interested in your thoughts on this.