Educating and Advocating For Adoption Through the Written Word
In Slate Magazine Yesterday
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dear prudence
Desperately Seeking Sister
I discovered my family's adoption secret while snooping. Now I want to know more.
Posted Thursday, May 22, 2008, at 6:56 AM ET Get "Dear Prudence" delivered to your inbox each week; click here to sign up. Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com. (Questions may be edited.)
Dear Prudence,
I'm a 21-year-old girl, and I live with my mother. We've had a rocky relationship, which has improved, though we're not close. My mother isn't very open about her past or her life in general. My parents divorced when I was a baby, and my sister and I didn't find out why (his drunkenness and infidelity) until about two years ago. I'm writing because of something I accidentally discovered a couple of days ago. I was staying home sick from work, and I looked in my mother's nightstand for her heating pad. There were a couple of envelopes with the return address of a religious charity. My mom is not the type to do charity work, so I was curious to learn this about my mother. I opened one. It was from the church's adoption clinic, saying they had received a request from my mother for information regarding the daughter she had put up for adoption. My mother had had a child while still in her teens. She filled in the form for more information but had never sent it in, so I don't believe she knows anything about this child, who would now be in her late 30s. I know it's none of my business, and I feel guilty for having read the letters. But now my sister and I, who are no longer children, feel that we have a right to know about our new older sister. How do I sit down and ask my mother about something I'm not even supposed to know?
--Waiting Sister
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dear prudence
Desperately Seeking Sister
I discovered my family's adoption secret while snooping. Now I want to know more.
Posted Thursday, May 22, 2008, at 6:56 AM ET Get "Dear Prudence" delivered to your inbox each week; click here to sign up. Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com. (Questions may be edited.)
Dear Prudence,
I'm a 21-year-old girl, and I live with my mother. We've had a rocky relationship, which has improved, though we're not close. My mother isn't very open about her past or her life in general. My parents divorced when I was a baby, and my sister and I didn't find out why (his drunkenness and infidelity) until about two years ago. I'm writing because of something I accidentally discovered a couple of days ago. I was staying home sick from work, and I looked in my mother's nightstand for her heating pad. There were a couple of envelopes with the return address of a religious charity. My mom is not the type to do charity work, so I was curious to learn this about my mother. I opened one. It was from the church's adoption clinic, saying they had received a request from my mother for information regarding the daughter she had put up for adoption. My mother had had a child while still in her teens. She filled in the form for more information but had never sent it in, so I don't believe she knows anything about this child, who would now be in her late 30s. I know it's none of my business, and I feel guilty for having read the letters. But now my sister and I, who are no longer children, feel that we have a right to know about our new older sister. How do I sit down and ask my mother about something I'm not even supposed to know?
--Waiting Sister
To continue reading, click here.
Join the Fray: our reader discussion forum
What did you think of this article?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jillanne on -
OMG. I just read the Dear Prudence article. I was amazed at the amount of angry adoptives who talk of hate, having their rights taken away, and want to totally abolish adoption. I have four adopted children who were crack addicts at birth. One of them is very resentful for being adopted. My other three children are grateful and happy. 'The one child, Sara, was determined to take the left side of the road of values and good standards, becoming an addict herself, having a baby out of wedlock, jail, etc., etc. It seems to me that the adopted children, now adults, are the ones who made the choice to be angry instead of making a good and honorable life for themselves.
Jillanne
www.streamlinewords.com
Excellence in Ghostwriting/Editing
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Permalink Reply by Terri Rimmer on -
Thanks for sharing on the article. I am a birth mom and my birth daughter is only 7 now but I have always had a fear that she would be angry one day even though she knows who I am and we have a semi-open adoption. I see her twice a year, sometimes three times a year. The rest of the time I am still in contact regularly. I'm sorry to hear about your one child, Sara. I think it's great what you did, adopting four kids like that. I think you too are honorable along with other adoptive parents.
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